How John Watson Punched Your Uncle Barney
by Enchanted Hybrid
Summary: Sherlock and John walk into a bar looking for Ted Mosbey. This can't be good.


**How I met Sherlock Holmes**

* * *

"Sherlock," John released a frustrated howl "You are _not_ coming in with me."

Sherlock rolled his eyes. When would they (as in everyone else that wasn't him) learn that he just doesn't listen. What they say is wrong. What he says is right. Therefore, stop telling him to do things. John especially should know he wouldn't listen.

"John," Sherlock stated "Have I ever listened to you?"

"No but-"

"Then _why_ should I start now?" And with that Sherlock strutted into Mclaren's bar.

John grunted with annoyance

"Note to self: Never ask Sherlock for a favor, _ever_." And with that he hurriedly followed Sherlock into the bar.

* * *

Sherlock stalked past all the strange looks he received, finally arriving at a booth filled with five people.

"This is the man you're looking for John." He explained as John caught up to him.

"You're Ted Moseby?" The blonde man raised an eyebrow "No," raising his hand dramatically he pointed to another man sitting beside him "That is Ted Mosbey."

The one "Ted" raised an eyebrow irritably "Barney..."

The two girls at the booth irrupted with giggles well the tall guy stood up.

"You're Sherlock!" He exclaimed with a little girlish excitement. "_The_ Sherlock-"

"Who?" The women with short dark brown hair asked.

The tall man gaped "Do you ever listen to me?!"

"No." Everyone else answered bluntly.

"Sorry baby," the red head sighed. The tall man pouted and sat next to his apparent wife.

"You slept with my sister!" John growled pointing in between Ted and Barney, unsure of which one it was.

"I'm engaged so.."

Lily rolled her eyes "We know it was you Barney," quickly adding "Ted hasn't gotten any action on months!"

"Hey!" Ted protested pausing for a moment he said "_Damn_, you're right."

"Wait so you are Ted?" John asked carefully. Ted nodded.

"Yes but-"

"The blonde used his name." Sherlock exclaimed sitting in the booth as if it were nothing "Obviously to score a date of some sort."

"But-"

"He wasn't lying, he is indeed engadged. Only recently though, he is currently in rehab from his previous addiction his fiancé would not approve of."

"Barney's an addict?" Ted questioned out loud

"For some reason this does _not_ surprise me." Lily nodded.

"Sex isn't an addiction," Barney exclaimed "It's a way of life."

Robin playfully hit his arm "You better forget about that."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Shouted John "So he's-" pointing at Barney "The one who left my sister in a ditch?"

"Barney!" The rest of the gang shouted as Barney shrugged.

"We all know I've done worse."

They all nodded in agreement.

"He is." Sherlock nodded solemnly.

"Okay," John rolled up his sleeve as Barney cowered. As John lent in for the punch Robin stood up.

"Wait," she said "Please avoid his face "We're getting married soon and I don't want the pictures ruined."

"Wait, you're okay with him punching me?" Barney said with amazement. Robin shrugged

"You want me to do it?"

"But-"

"You left her in a ditch Barney!" Barney sighed. "Okay."

He stood up and waited for John to hit him.

John punched him straight in the stomach as Barney cringed in pain.

"Happy now?" Sherlock asked. John begrudgingly nodded.

"Okay then," Sherlock stood up. And then kicked Barney in the balls with a small grimace on his face.

"Sherlock!"

"Do you really think I would not hit him? Why else would I come John. Be reasonable."

With that Sherlock stood up and walked out. John debated going after him for only a moment before following the consulting detective.

Marshall was frozen. "You just got hit by Sherlock Holmes."

Barney raised an eyebrow "Holmes? As in Mycroft."

Ted frowned "You know the british government?"

"How do you know the british government?"

"Why don't we just let this go?" Lily asked. "What does it matter if we know Sherlock, Mycroft, Jim,-"

"How do you know Jim Moriorty?"

"Okay!" Robin stood up again. "Let's just drop it."

Ted objected

"But what about-"

"_Drop it_." Robin said threateningly as she sat back down and the gang resumed their conversation.

* * *

**Just something random I thought of. It was a lot shorter than I anticipated. Hope you enjoyed it!**


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